


Kyle's Boomin' Raid

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [26]
Category: Original Work
Genre: 2020 US Presidential Election, Action, Action/Adventure, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - Politics, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, American Politics, American Presidents, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Courtroom Drama, Dark Comedy, Drama, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drinking to Cope, Drugs, Dystopia, Enemies to Friends, Epic Friendship, Excessive Drinking, Face-Fucking, Friendship, Fucking, Gang Rape, Good Writing, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Drinking, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Invasion, Late Night Writing, Legal Drama, Marijuana, New Year's Resolutions, New Years, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe, Other, Party, Partying, Police, Police Brutality, Politics, President Donald Trump, Protests, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Drugs, Riots, Road Trips, Shooting Guns, Skull Fucking, Smoking, Tragedy/Comedy, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, United States, Vodka, Washington D.C., Weapons, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Given the most recent events, I think you get the summary of this.
Relationships: Barack Obama/Donald Trump, Donald Trump/Melania Trump, Hillary Clinton/Donald Trump, Joe Biden & Amy Klobuchar, Joe Biden/Barack Obama, Joe Biden/Beto O'Rourke, Joe Biden/Donald Trump/Chris Wallace, Joe Biden/John Kerry, Joe Biden/Kamala Harris, Joe Biden/Pete Buttigieg, Joe Biden/Ted Cruz, Mike Pence/Donald Trump, Ted Cruz/Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin/Donald Trump
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin' Raid

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to read the other stories of Kyle's Boomin' Adventures!

Kyle’s Boomin’ Raid

It was the new year, Kyle only had a week left before he had to be shipped off back to his college. Kyle’s college was having everyone from out of state come on campus early in order to quarantine. Since he was in state, Kyle had a few extra weeks to live free. Being his final week, Kyle wanted to do something grand with the boys. The boys haven’t been able to do as much since it was the winter and everything was closed, it also didn’t help that everyone had jobs and other events to attend to. Kyle’s peers at school had gone back to campus early and were loving every minute of it. One day while Kyle was sitting home, he got a random Snapchat. 

“God dammit it’s Nancy fucking Drew!” Kyle yelled to himself.

Kyle opened the snap, which happened to be a photo. It was a picture of Nancy Drew and Kyle’s highly depressed and very introverted roommate. The two of them were on a train, taking a selfie flipping off the camera at Kyle. Being a rational human being, Kyle responded with a snap.

“The fact that you two are my ‘friend group’ shows how pathetic my life is.” Kyle wrote.

A few minutes went by, Kyle proceeded with his daily routine. Nancy responded with yet another snap. This time it was a video at the Grand Central Terminal in New York City. Nancy Drew proceeded to talk.

“We miss you Kyle, we miss you! Look where we are, look Kyle, look, look Kyle!” Nancy pestered on the video.

Kyle retaliated with a video of himself. Being very serious with no facial expression, Kyle spewed sharp words of hate.

“How could you go to that shithole with those tyrant leaders? You dumb socialist piece of shit!!” Kyle yelled through the phone. 

An hour went by, Kyle was running errands, getting ready for his four tenure at college. After driving around to various places, getting items he needed, Kyle looked at his phone and saw that Nancy had sent him a snap twenty minutes prior. The video was the two of them in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Being complete geeds and art weirdo’s this was a pilgrimage for them. 

“Should’ve gone to Monmouth!” Kyle’s roommate taunted in his really low voice.

When Kyle was still at college, Nancy and his roommate would always pester Kyle to the point of sheer anger. Kyle would think back to high school when he was looking for colleges. He applied to four and got into each of them. Although at the time Geed University was his top choice, he started to hate it with a burning passion. Kyle would think about Monmouth University, a bigger college that had a party scene with regular people, unlike Kyle’s school. Whenever Nancy and Kyle’s roommate would bully him, instead of unleashing his anger, he would simply say how he should’ve gone to Monmouth. 

“At least the people there are cool unlike you depressed fuck heads!” Kyle responded on another video. 

Soon after Nancy responded with yet another snap. Kyle, being busy packing, didn’t open the snap until ten minutes after it was sent. The snap was another selfie of the two of them in the Subway station. 

“We do love you.” Nancy wrote in the snap. 

“Of course you do, I’m fucking Jesus Christ, I am the best there ever is or ever will be!” Kyle responded with. 

This might’ve been around the time Nancy realized Kyle wasn’t fucking around. She responded with a snap of just herself. 

“Someone’s in a mood today.” Nancy responded with. 

“Yeah I’m in a mood! I died for your sins and this is how you repay me?!” Kyle wrote.

This was where Kyle ended the snap exchange. Having to deal with other things, he did not have time to snap an annoying liberal back and forth about utter nonsense. While packing his clothes, Kyle had an epiphany. Why was it so easy for the Geed kids to plan events? Nancy and Kyle’s roommate decided to go to New York out of the blue, it takes a week’s worth of planning for the boys to even go out for dinner in town. This did not sit well with Kyle, thus he called up the boys for a group discussion. 

“What’s up?” Malcolm asked.

“Boys we have a problem.” Kyle stated.

“What may that be?” Gianni asked. 

“We need to do more shit. The fucking Geed kids just went into the city out of the blue with no planning whatsoever. It takes weeks for us to plan just a single outing at a restaurant. That shit needs to change.” Kyle ranted.

“Now you see what I’ve had to go through the last few years.” Mark said. 

Before Kyle joined the group, Mark was the head of the crew. When it came to planning events, he was in control. When Kyle came along, the two bonded over the fact that they both were leading the group. Mark knew exactly what Kyle was talking about when it came to planning. 

“I fear that when I go back to college you guys won’t see each other because I won’t be there to plan anything.” Kyle stated.

“You are the glue that plans everything.” Jay admitted. 

“Like Nick, you’re always going on these trips around the country, why don’t you bring us along instead of those weird kids you’re with.” Kyle said.

“Hey those trips are planned by them, I simply get invited and tag along.” Nick explained. “But you’re right when I do I’ll bring you guys.” 

“Remember it’s also a matter of money, most of us are broke fucks.” Mark stated.

“Yeah I blew all my money, literally all my money during quarantine.” Malcolm commented. 

“What the fuck did you spend it on?” Jay asked.

“Weed and porn.” Malcolm responded. 

“I’m not even surprised.” Mark commented.

“Hey so apparently there’s gonna be a big protest down in D.C. this Wednesday. We should go to that.” Nick said.

“Why the fuck would we go to a protest?” Jay asked.

“Yeah we’re not weird Geed poli-sci majors.” Kyle said.

“No apparently Joe Biden stole the election and it’s very obvious, but the government is still refusing to do anything about it. Trump is having supporters come to D.C. in order to hold a big rally for support. Knowing how divisive this country is, it could be a real shit storm.” Nick explained.

“Oh bet!” Mark commented.

“That actually sounds lit, watching the two sides clash.” Kyle said.

“Remember we worked for the government for like a week back in the summer.” Malcolm added.

“Oh yeah you right.” Gianni commented.

“Alright, this Wednesday we’ll go to this ‘Save America’ rally. Should be fun.” Nick stated.

Wednesday came upon the boys quickly. Nick looked into the event prior and advised that the boys wear tactical body armor just in case a revolution or a civil war broke out. When he came to pick the boys up, each of them had tactical gloves, chest armor, helmets, goggles, and face masks. Each of the boys had guns on them as well, just in case a war broke out. With music like Five Finger Death Punch and Pantera blaring from the car speaker on the drive down, the boys were ready. 

The boys arrived at 10:00 in the morning, an hour before Trump was supposed to speak. Being the entitled billionaire he was, Trump did not get on stage until 12:00, being an hour late. The boys sat bored for two hours then listened to the president speak for another hour. During the speech, Trump called on Vice President Mike Pence to do his job and stall the electoral proceedings for another ten days in order to get an accurate look at the nation’s votes. After Trump’s speech, news broke that Pence backstabbed Trump and allowed for the proceedings to continue. The crowd was aghast and visibly angry. People shouted in rage, profanities flew everywhere. Tensions rose as people took to the streets of Washington. The boys had never seen a crowd of people as angry before in their life. Kyle looked around and took advantage.

“Hey Mark.” Kyle said.

“Yeah?” 

“Watch this.” Kyle said before shouting. “HEY EVERYONE!!! LET’S RAID THE FUCKING CAPITOL!!!!” 

A roar of applause erupted as thousands of Americans started to rush over to the Capitol Building. The boys proceeded to walk with the mob. Gianni turned to Kyle.

“Uh Kyle?” Gianni asked.

“Yes Gianni?” 

“Did you just incite a mob to invade the Capitol?” 

“Um yes sir.” 

“May I ask why?” 

“To be an asshole.” 

“Ah.” 

The boys, along with a mob of over a thousand people, marched up to the steps of the Capitol Building. The electoral proceedings were taking place, meaning every senator and congressman was inside debating the election. Since there was a giant mob, the Capitol police did absolutely nothing to stop them. Mark broke down the door and the boys ran in. Kyle and the boys had just breached the Capitol Building. As the mob protested on the steps of the Capitol, the boys ran around inside. Most of the politicians had evacuated the building by then, the people were free to do as they pleased. Mark immediately attacked two police officers in the rotunda. Jay, being filled with anger that the cops did nothing about the white people but shot black people, proceeded to shoot a cop and suffocate him with his knee. While those two took place in the brawl with police, the rest of the boys raided the politician’s offices. Gianni and Nick ran into the offices of Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, since their emails were still open, they decided to mess with the politician’s computers. 

“I like to get gangbanged Friday Nights by big black cock.” Nick typed on Nancy Pelosi’s email.

“I had a dude suck my cock in order to play with his emotions and make him my bitch. Is it bad I actually liked it. ” Gianni wrote on Chuck Schumer's email. 

Kyle ran through the building trashing every politician’s office in his way. Being on a warpath, Kyle made sure every room looked like a bomb had gone off. Kyle finally made his way to the House Chamber. The House chamber had already been ransacked by the other protestors, so Kyle was the only one in the room. Kyle made his way to the speaker’s podium and sat down. Kyle put his feet up on the desk and took out a blunt. Kyle proceeded to light the blunt, and began smoking inside the Capitol. Kyle took off his helmet and goggles, taking in the moment, the American people had finally invaded the most toxic and evil place in the world, allowing Kyle to smoke a blunt where the politicians made the laws of America. 

A half hour passed, Kyle finished his blunt and had a good high. Kyle put out his roach on the Covid 19 Bill that was passed forcing Americans to deal with infringements while the politicians went off scott free. It was at this time Gianni and Nick bursted through the door.

“Kyle!! The cops have tear gas! We gotta get the fuck out of here!” Gianni yelled.

“Can’t we just shoot them?” Kyle asked.

“No we’re outnumbered.” Nick responded.

“The fuck? These normies rushed the Capitol with no weapons? How the fuck will the bootlickers accomplish anything?” Kyle raged. 

“Nevertheless, we can’t find Malcolm!” Gianni yelled.

“Fuck!” Kyle yelled.

The three ran out of the House Chamber back into the rotunda only to witness a jaw dropping spectacle. Mark and Jay were in the center surrounded by around ten cops. One by one the cops ran towards the two with batons. Mark and Jay were able to knock out each officer leaving them unconscious. 

“I’M ONE OF THE COOL KIDS!!!” Mark shouted.

“Guys, we lost Malc!” Kyle yelled. 

“Fuck!” Jay shouted.

The boys reconvened in a desperate attempt to save Malcolm from certain death. They scoured the building only to find more protesters ransacking the Capitol. There was one place the boys didn’t reach yet, that was the Senate Chamber. The boys kicked down the door of the Senate in a last hope to find Malcolm. 

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!” Kyle shouted. 

It was a horrific site to see. Both Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris were fully nude with strapons, double teaming Malcolm, who happened to be squealing like a pig. Elizabeth Warren took Malcolm up the ass while Kamala Harris got the mouth. Mark found a brick and chucked it at Elizabeth knocking her unconscious. Not wanting the same fate, Kamala ran as fast as she could in order to escape her fate. Kyle took his gun and shot the beam directly above her. The beam fell and pinned Kamala Harris, who was screaming in pain. Once Malcolm was fully clothed, the boys ran out of the Capitol before they got caught. After escaping, the boys looked back in awe. The Capitol Building, which was usually standing polished and grand, as a symbolism of the government's power, was being raided by the common folk and smoked out with tear gas. It was something out of a movie, dystopian almost. 

“I don’t know if it’s the immense pain from those spiked strapons, but am I the only one tearing up here?” Malcolm asked.

“No Malcolm, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Kyle responded.

“The people have risen, incited by us.” Mark commented. “Remember this moment boys, this is the day we took down the fucking government.” 

The boys got back into Nick’s car and sped quickly out of Washington D.C. In only two hours, they were back in New Jersey at Malcolm’s house. The boys put on the news and watched every network cry about how their perfect world had fallen. Kyle gave updates on whenever one of his college peers made a rage post about the incident. Whenever one did, the boys took a shot. The boys celebrated the glorious deed that was done for their country.

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin’ Raid. Happy New Year. 

  
  



End file.
